Days 24, 25, 26, 27, 28?

I think somewhere I got off on the days .  . crap! What day is it?

It has been a week of being in the moment and forgiving myself for my faults. It started after our group session on Wednesday with my yoga class at the studio on Thursday.  I pushed myself and went to class on Thursday and lo and behold, there were only 3 other students that showed up to practice with me.  It was a great class!! We ditched the usual flow routine and instead experimented with our favorite (and least favorite) poses.  It was so liberating and fun!  We played with frog hops, headstands, tripod handstands, alignment in forward folds and pigeon and other hip openers.  We were doing things I had never done before; in fact, I spent a good bit of the class falling on my face - literally - as I tried to learn tripod headstand! Nothing was "business as usual" and in the process of letting go of my frustration that class wasn't going to be "normal" I was reminded how fun yoga can be.  Turning the class on its head really focused me on letting go and being in the moment. 

Something in me clicked and the joy of being present has really just stuck with me throughout the rest of this week.  The teacher reminded us that when you come to your mat, you are coming to practice yoga.  It's not a yoga class or a yoga lesson --  its a yoga practice.  You are supposed to fail so that you can learn and grow.  The art of practicing yoga (and life I suppose) is knowing how to take yourself to the edge of your potential and accepting exactly where you are, faults and all, at any given moment. If you don't fall on your face you will never learn where your edge is -- that is to say, you will never learn where that point is that is just beyond your grasp, the edge of your abilities at any given moment to fully express the pose -- but if you don't and appreciate where your edge is, you aren't accepting where you are in your ability to express that pose during that particular practice.  If you can't play with your edge, as the yogis say, you will never be able to be brave enough to get into your tripod headstand because you won't be willing to risk the failure necessary to balance on your arms and get your legs up over your head, but you also are not able to be brave enough to accept that today is not a day your day for that pose in that way.  Learning your edge is about challenging yourself and accepting yourself all in the same breath.

I haven't been perfect the back half of this week in my commitment to my yoga and meditation, but I am finding where my edge in my life is and embracing that.  Just because I have committed to this 40 Day Journey doesn't mean that it is somehow not still a yoga practice.  I am going to fail and this week I have been much more okay accepting those failures without so much guilt and shame.  While I might not have succeed in the goal I set for myself to do an hour and a half of yoga each day I have succeed in other goals, and the presence to acknowledge those successes is part of this whole process. 

I will continue to try to do better this week - only 2 more weeks to go - and we will see what edges in my life I run into . . . 

Namaste,
Clare

PS - It occurs to me that perhaps the phrase "namaste" needs some explanation.  In Sanskrit it means "may the light and divine within me, honor the light and divine within you."  It is how yogis greet each other and how we close our yoga practices together.  It seemed appropriate to honor the light and divine within each of you as you read this blog and help honor the light and divine within me as I go through this journey.  Thank you and namaste.