Day 39

Wow, so this journey is ending, and it feels like I am going out with a sizzle not a bang. I am kind of disappointed by that actually. I have been coming to terms over the last few days that the process is about the journey, not the end result (I think there's a famous quote to that effect, but its escaping me now).  I am trying not to expect anything from this revolution but its bumming me out that my life and work have been getting in the way of my time for yoga and meditation this week.  And no, that's not totally my story, I have gotten stuck in traffic twice this week on my way to go to yoga! I am trying to get there!

In other news, I have been getting up early all his week, and oddly enough, it's kind of giving me this weird energy.  For those of you who know me, you know that I am not a morning person.  So this is a refreshing twist of things.  Perhaps I will have to keep playing with this "early to bed, early to rise" routine I have going. 

Last night was the last night of group - perhaps that is why I am in a bit of a melancholy mood today.  One comment that a fellow yogi made really stuck with me - actually its a mantra that her husband repeats frequently that up until this program had really bothered her.  The comment was "Nothing is either good or bad it's just thinking that makes it so."  The quote reminded me of the experience on the Metro the other day with the guy I got so mad a for rubbing up against me with his briefcase.  I made him bad as I sat there and rattled on to myself about how he was rude, and inconsiderate, and oblivious, and self-absorbed -- when really that was all my judgment and my thoughts that made that real. Nothing about what I thought about his was real, except to myself.

Technically the program ends tomorrow but I know I am far from finishing the intent of this journey.  There's a peace in realizing this last week or so that I am really at the beginning.  That this 40 days was not a quick fix, but rather a stepping stone out of the places and thought patterns where I was.  For whatever reason, knowing that I am not marching to a goal has made the process of savoring the walk so much more important. 

I am beat from this week and am heading to bed, but am taking votes.  Should I keep blogging?  And if so, what about?

Off to dreamland . . .

Namaste,
Clare