Day 3

Well today's posting is, as they say, "a day late and a dollar short."  Last night we were having issues getting the wireless internet to work on the laptop until very and Brad's computer is completely out of commission for some strange reason since we got back from the honeymoon.

Yesterday was a good day - I didn't resist too much in the morning, got myself up, and in my PJs meditated and did my yoga while Brad did the dishes in the kitchen behind me.  I found I was getting the order of the poses down a bit better so I was pleased that I didn't need to keep interrupting myself to look at the book as much.  I still felt sluggish at work though and am a bit distressed that the early morning yoga has not seemed to give me more energy to get through the day.

In the evening I went to our first group session.  It was interesting to see the diversity of people undertaking this journey with me.  I struggled with the challenge at the session to commit to the process because the language of the session was hard for me to wrap my head around.  Words like "make" and "good" and "breakthrough" all have such loaded connotations for me that it was hard not to fight those words internally when they were contiually used as part of the lessons in the session.  I think I get that the process of this journey is about opening your heart and understanding that you (and everyone else for that matter) are perfect, and about becoming aware again of that perfection in each of us - but I got a bit caught up and frustrated by the language. 

Words have incredibly profound meaning to people - as perverted as their original meanings may be nowadays - how we communicate is key to our understanding and our definition of our self.  Last night I just found that the communication wasn't clicking or resonating within me in a way that made sense, and so that was hard.  I found myself trying not to be angry at the group leader for speaking in a way that seemed almost oxymoronic to the spirit of this journey and I found I wasn't sure whether or not to be mad at myself for not speaking up more in group.  I didn't want to be "that kid" in class that is having like a personal one-on-one with the teacher, but I didn't get it/agree with/understand why the language she was choosing was being chosen.  Turns out it's Baron's language so now I am even more confused . . .